Why?
June 14, 2006
I'm single.
A spinster. Alone. Unloved. Unwanted. Rejected. Solo. Mono.
I feel like an old fiesta, locked up in garage, rusting. The advert in Auto Trader isn't getting any interest. There are a disarming number of newer models who have had just the one careful owner. Sadly I've had a few very clumsy and mentally unstable owners.
I'm 29 or more to the point nearly thirty.
During the past two years I've had a few flings, generally brief, always disastrous. Now, suddenly I've become terrified. Not of being on my own. I know that being single is better than being with the wrong person. No, I've become terrified of the love business in all it's entirety. Terrified that all my fairytale ideals of love, which have kept me daydreaming for years, are nonsense. I am mature enough to realize that Robbie Williams and I will not get married. Even if we did it would be a nightmare with the manifestations of repressed homosexuality and male ego (mine of course) At the age of 17 I believed such unions could be blessed and beautiful. Now I'm older. I have seen the dirty under belly of man. Love doesn't look so pretty. I look around and I don't see many happy relationships. I'm utterly terrified of liking someone and being rejected by them. I'm terified of entering into a relationship and wanting to get out of it. I've started walking around with a big, high wall of pride protecting me from loves pain and trauma. The last time I tried to reach out to a member of the opposite sex, I was rejected with a text massage saying 'soz', he wanted to watch a DVD. I think it was the 'soz' that did it.
So I've decided to action.
My parents, after 46 years, still enjoy life together. They're the reason I don't want to give up on love.I'm going to get myself out there and try to meet people. I admit I'd love to find a chum for life, or even a year or two.
Surely there must be 50 ways to meet a lover? I will find them and try them.
On-line dating, newspaper lonely hearts, speed dating, organized singles nights, going to places where straight men go: pubs when football games are on for example, these shall be the starting point then I shall find out how happy couples met and where possible put myself in similar situations.
I will set myself some rules
Under no circumstances will I
1) kiss on the first date
2) get naked on the second
3) waste anyone's time by leading them on if I don't think there's a spark
4) continue in any way with unemployed, aspiring musicians, however good I think their music is.
I will also enlist some help in what to wear and say. I will stop dressing like a male road protester and brush my hair. I will stop asking men stupid questions such as "have you ever seen a ghost?" and "if you were a biscuit what sort would you be.?" Which only I ever find entertaining.
It's so tempting though.
There's a bourbon out there somewhere.
|
|
Talk to me be brutal!!
|
June 14, 2006 - spinster's quest
|
| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| i think it's wicked! good luck dude:) |
| Permanent Link
|
June 16, 2006 - The importance of knowing what kind of biscuit you are...
|
| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Having just read your articles on speed-dating, love and the lack of it, I felt impelled to reply..
If the way in which you are going to be pro-active is to find pubs where the football is on or speed-dating events where the men would shag the spanish-looking girl despite her being as mad as a hatter. Stop. You will never find the spark there. It is there that more disasterous relationships are waiting to draw you in.
You know love exists. You see it every day. In your parents and in that nameless elderly couple walking through the park holding hands.. You know you've seen them, that's why you believe.
It's because you believe that you are scared. You are terrified of believing in something with every ounce of your soul and then finding out that the whole theory was just an elaborate April Fool.
You are terrified of not settling for second best. Why? Because life is full of those that do. Life is full of people that settle for a career that makes them miserable because it allows them to have that house and car. Life is full of people that never have true friends because they are too busy networking so they can surround themselves with the right kind of person to help them succeed. And more to the point, life is full of people who stay in relationships for the wrong reasons. They stay in a relationship but they don't ever find out what love is. They never really live at all, just exist. Ironically they exist blissfully because they don't realise what they are missing.
They have never had the chance to do "work" that gives them goosebumps, they've never had true friendship and even though they have walked past that nameless elderly couple a thousand times they didn't ever see them.
But you are different.
And that my dear girl is why you are looking in the wrong places.
It is the man that wants you BECAUSE you are as mad as a hatter and loves you for it. And the man that not only knows what kind of biscuit he would be but also thought about asking you your thoughts on whether to dunk or not to dunk.
But then I don't need to remind you of this because you already know.
Don't give up believing. He is out there waiting to find his little Pink Wafer. |
| Permanent Link
|
June 17, 2006 - Its all in the tactical stalking
|
| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| I finally met "love man" after stalking him (i.e taking note of everywhere I saw him for nearly a year). Then along came Wednesday night at Walkabout, the cheap drink tragedy where meeting anyone who looks as good the next day as they do when you have your beer goggles on is near on impossible. However, I already knew he was a fitty (due to the stalking- note: he looked best in his grey tracksuit), so after winning a £50 bar tab, and no I did not offer to share it with him, I gave his housemate my number. Despite me exchanging a sloppy drunken snog with someone else that night, he called me the next day and we went on an almost blind date to.... a drum n bass night! Not the cosy, romantic meal for two I had in mind but we are still together two years on. |
| Permanent Link
|
June 20, 2006 - spinsters quest
|
| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Loved your blog, keep it up.
Its great to know that I'm not the only girl who finds the whole thing about dating sick, there must be an easier way, go to it and report back. Can't wait for your next encounter. |
| Permanent Link
|
June 26, 2006 - Play the Blind Date Game
|
| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Have you no friends or better still a gorgeous sister that can fix you up with a beautiful stud! Its not always a success as my experience proved. I have a beautiful witty intelligent funky sister (you may know her) who made it her mission to find me Mr Right and fixed me up on a blind date. I knew very little about the gentleman (I use the word loosely) other than he was 50ish, tall and very maverick whatever that may mean! My internal siren should have been ringing when two minutes before I was due to meet him she casually remarked that I was ok with men with long hair and a beard, to which I replied only if his name is Father Christmas! I should have bailed out there and then and realised that my sister had got my taste in men completely wrong, and this shouldn't have been a surprise as
her taste in men had always been somewhat suspect! The crumpled linen suit and floral shirt was a big turn off, and judging by the beads of persperation on his receeding brow I guessed that he had some sort of sweaty problem going on! His hair was long but to his credit he had tied it back in a nice little pony tail and his beard was full of the froth from his pint of Guiness! Did he make my bits twitch........No. Did he make my toes curl.......No, Did my stomach churn.......yes, but not in the way I had hoped. Was this going to be a match made in heaven .......No. So how had my sister got it so wrong!
So before embarking on any blind date the question that you need to ask your friend or family member is "do YOU fancy them" because if the answer is 'NO' how on earth can they expect you to! |
| Permanent Link
|
June 28, 2006 - attention deficit disorder
|
| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Dear Lucy
A friend at the institute brought your case to my attention, and, having read your pages, I thought I might drop you a line.
I think you may be suffering from a strain of the above mentioned affliction. Clearly this is not the usual manifestation of said affliction, but a hyperversion, brought on by too many years in the performing arts. It is a well researched area, and there is no doubt many actors suffer the same symptoms, to greater or lesser degree.
This quest for 'love' is but an extension of the condition, and presages the onset of the tertiary stage. This is not good. Pursuit of an abstract notion is not the same as pursuit of an achievable goal. The idea that we love and are loved is just that - an idea. Love has never been formally identified - either at a police line-up or on a morgue slab.
What happens to us when we think we may be 'in' love? We say the things we would never say in our normal condition - ditto 'do', ditto 'act', ditto everything. Do you see the parallels? Love and acting - acting and love? Are they so far removed?
Either way one spends too much time away from oneself. Borders are blurred, reality shrinks to a fraction its normal size.
And, if this notion of perfect love would exist, what then? Because love is like drinking. After a little taster it seems a good idea to take a little more - it feels so nice, Why not? A little more follows a little more, and hey, before you know it you're properly drunk. And making a good impersonation of a helpless fool - sound familiar? And then of course there's the hangover - hollow shards of memory with nothing but pain and sickness every time you try to move, churning guts and pierced brain - and the world has lost all meaning save the one existing in you, and you can't escape it, because that's all there is.
Anyway, don't want to put a downer on it - just pop a couple of pills and get on with the next one - what you doing Friday?
Good luck |
| Permanent Link
|
February 2, 2007 - you think you feel like a fiesta ?
|
| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| thank god you don't feel like a fiat then - they are a bloody nightmare, i tell you. |
| Permanent Link
|
February 27, 2008 - Why indeed??
|
| The Gospel According to Fuzzy |
Love is not a feeling but an action. It is not about self, It is not about wants, needs and ones own desires.
It truly is, unconditional. Keeps no record or right or wrong.
It is only an enigma, to those who can not recognise it.
And all too often we are prepared to offer pearls to swine.
Cheers
>s< |
| Permanent Link
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Navigate
" Home
" Archives
" Email Me
|
25) Guardian Soulmates Online