14) Pulling In The Workplace (the telly job)
September 18, 2006
I have finished it now
If I worked in an office, I would spend years wooing slightly over weight, witty Martin. He would look like a wet dog. I would admire him every day across the open plan office. I would know exactly how much stubble I preferred him with. I would be familiar his toilet and coffee habits. I would know which football team he supported. I would fret over whether he was drinking too much and getting his five a day. I would bring in biscuits I’d claimed to have made with local disadvantaged children at the weekend. I would often have an itchy thigh and reveal a lacy stocking top. I would memorize witty things other people had said and regurgitate them as my own. In short if I worked in an office I would be getting it. Lots of it. With Martin. I don’t work in an office. I do waitressing with girls and theatre with gay men. One day my Lovely Agent calls. “ Hello Lovely Agent. Has Kiefer Sutherland called and asked me to play his sex slave in the next season of 24, again?” I enquire. “Not today. But you do have three lines, well two and a half, in a very high profile murder investigation series.” Silence, followed by the sound of snivelling. I wish I wouldn’t cry when good things happen. It’s weird. “ I love you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. Straight men work in telly!” I sing. “ I mean television. A remarkable and challenging medium. ” Telly. The route to wealth and straight men. I buy a book called “How to pull in the workplace” I cut brie and donuts out of my diet and switch to Slimline tonic as the camera puts on ten pounds. A car will pick me up at 5.40 am. I have been successful in the pulling arena at 5.40 before. Admittedly at the end of a long night, with a full moon and a free bar when everyone else was paired off and the man in question hadn’t had sex in 10 months and was so drunk he thought I was gorgeous and probably only kissed me to stop me wittering. A result nevertheless. The night before I call every one I’ve ever spoken to and say, “I can’t go out tonight, because I’m shooting tomorrow, darrrrling, got a car picking me up first thing!” I have a distressing time telling My Farmer Brother “No not clay pigeons you tosser.. I’m an actress....what do you mean you thought I was a waitress!!!???” I put the phone down and have to have a glass of wine. No one understands the pressure and strain of my vocation. I am just watching a medley of telly, The Bill, Casualty and Bad Girls to get tips on how to act on screen. I am just practising my “close up gurn” and musing that my Farmer Brother might be adopted. When, wait for it, you might like to sit down for this….. THE ONE TEXTED ME I have to put lipstick on to read it. I have to sate my fluttering heart with another glass of wine. I’d long ago deleted his number from my phone to prevent late night drinking and dialing or texts at 3am which go something like “i was just thimking you, sex, love hiccumph vomit bleurgggh.” But I’d know those digits anywhere. With held breathe and clenched buttocks, I open the text. “Lucy How Are You?” I have fifty two billion thousand thoughts, some of which are.. 1) NO KISS!!!!!!! 2) how the buggering wank do I respond to that? 3) is the subtext to that “I was just thinking about you naked?” 4) maybe he means another Lucy who had an accident with stinging nettles or something. Live in Ex Boyfriend comes home to find me gurning in front of a mirror. An old episode of Holby City is on the telly. I am writing and then deleting texts. He prises the glass of wine out of my hand. He turns Holby City off. He soothes me with a sugar lump of kind words, “You already are the character. You’re a terrific actress. You knew the lines before the audition. The One?! He doesn’t deserve you. If he can’t see your wonderfulness then he’s a pillock. Text him back “who is this?” or something equally dismissive. He looks like a wet dog anyway. I know what you need?” “No, no! “You know you want some!” “ Please. No. “Yes!!” “No! NOT THE ECKHART!” “You need the Eckhart. You need the positive!” Live in Ex-Boyfriend is a Master in Positive Thinking. He owns a library of Positive Thinking CDs written and performed by a man called Eckhart who looks and sounds like a labotomised Morman. Live In Ex Boyfriend can do a very funny impression of The Labotomised Mormon. Mainly consisting of him saying “You want to be rich. You are rich. You want to be free. You are free. You want a cup of tea. You are a cup of tea. You want a pooh. You….” In a funny voice with elongated vowels. “AHHHHHHH, got to go bed. I want an early night!” I scream with some urgency. As I jump into bed, mobile phone in hand, I can hear him drawl in his weird accent, "You are an early night." "Oh God" Safely in bed I return to my texting dilemma. I delete. "I'm fine thanks. How's things with you?" If I continue with this blog it will be far too long for people to read in the office without getting sacked. I will proceed soon. I will proceed when people have told me how they would have responded if the man they thought was rather wonderful texted them with the inimitable words “How are you?” "What would you have said?" Thank you for all your words of wisdom
PART II
I set my alarm. I try to sleep.
It’s 9.26pm. I am as awake as an insomniac on cocaine.
I plan my attack in the darkness.
I will arrive on location at 7am. I’ll be on set by 8.30. Probably finished by 10am. That’s three hours of uninterrupted time to pull a straight man who works in telly. Actually, two hours, fifty–five minutes as I’ll have to do some acting as well.
The key is to meet as many men as possible. To do this I need to introduce myself to everyone and try to make them like me and find me attractive.
Time is of the essence.
Live In Ex Boyfriend lent me a book called Skill With People last October. I search and eventually find it inside an old theatre programme under a pile of unopened formal looking letters on the floor.
I read.
It is radical.
It states that everyone is only interested in themselves.
People love people who shut up and allow them to talk about themselves.
People also love being congratulated and flattered.
“huh, people are so shallow” I scoff.
I consider my own life.
I realize that most people bore me unless they are telling me how brilliant I am. I also have a blog about myself.
“Maybe the book’s onto something”
Tomorrow for three hours on my television shoot.
I will.
1) shut up
2) actively listen.
3) flatter and congratulate.
.
I dress at 5 o’clock in the morning. Owing to the rain I wear my favourite cagool. This cagool was given to me in America by a funny bloke who worked in security. The jacket has the word SECURITY emblazoned on the back. This Witty American Security Worker wrote the letters IN front of SECURITY. I have found this jacket entertaining for 8 years.
The look is “a sleeping person walking with borrowed wit” It’s not my best.
I arrive on set with one thought in my head “coffee.” A Handsome 2nd Assistant Director With Sexy Voice introduces himself. He takes me to coffee. It’s instant. Not his passion for me sadly. The coffee is instant. I let him off and love him any way.
“So how long have you worked on the show?” I say playing with my hair.
“Oh sorry” he says turning away from me when his walkie talkie starts to crackle.
“Bugger’ I think looking around for another. I see a lot of huge men milling about. I find the smallest of them. I stand near him and smile.
“Looking for the toilet love?” he says kindly.
“Um…er….ha…um ” I mumble, desperately trying to think of a question.
“Bit sleepy are you?”
I can hear some big men behind me laughing. It reminds me of the time I got my skirt tucked into my knickers at youth club when I was thirteen.
“7am! Best hour of the day, that’s my motto.” I say thinking, “Shut up now Lucy. You’re not funny and people think you’re weird.”
I ignore my own particularly brilliant advice.
“Been up for hours! Do you like getting up?”
I see him register the stupidness of the question. I see him search for a witty retort. Then Handsome 2nd AD With Sexy Voice appears and slaps him on the back.
“Oi, you get to make-up.”
Bollocks and wank. He’s an actor. I thought he was someone with had a proper job.
“And I need to take you to your trailer.”
“Yippee. Trailer. Sex and drugs!!” I holler.
Handsome 2nd AD With Sexy Voice laughs. He’s got nice teeth. His bloody walkie talkie whinges again.
In my trailer. I like that I’ll say it again. In my trailer….
……I get into my costume. I practise my two and half lines 10 times looking in the mirror. I pick up my mobile again. I type.
“Sorry I had my phone stolen on my birthday. Who is this?”
‘Do I send it? Help! Help! I don’t know!’ I am thinking when there’s a knock on my door.
“Breakfast!”
“I love breakfast!” I howl dropping my mobile. I race like a wippet to the breakfast trailer. Breakfast trailers are greasy spoons, which move. Cool.
I join the queue. I am getting slightly panicky know about what to have. I’m not very good at making food decisions. I’m terrified of missing out on something better. For example, I could order the scrambled egg, it might be cold and hard, someone in front of me might choose a classic sausage and ketchup sandwich which might look amazing. The result is food disappointment. And lunch is hours away.
I turn to Huge Man In Front Of Me
“What are you going to have?”
“Kippers.”
“Kippers!” I respond as though I was five and he’d said “Bogeys”
“He has em’ everyday.” Says Huge Man II shaking his head.
“My granddad used to eat them” volunteers Huge Kipper Man.
“Oh, that’s nice so did my Uncle Peter. But I might be burping fish in my scene.”
“He’s not so considerate.” Jokes Huge Man II
“What do you have?” I say remembering I need to ask lots of questions to be loved.
“Bacon sandwich.”
“Mmm. It’s a classic.” I applaud him.
What ensues is a full blown passionate dialogue about food. I order the scrambled egg and bacon roll. People are rightly impressed. The egg is not as runny as I’d like. I am euphoric nevertheless. I have made a vital discovery. The art of conversation is talking about food.
I consider writing a book.
Back in my trailer, covered in ketchup and planning my book deal, I pick up my phone.
I send the text.
Immediately I regret it. I regret it because it feels like a lie. I can hear the Convent tutting.
Suddenly I am whisked to make-up. I am smeared with cover-up. Then I am driven to the set.
Small Man Who Thought I Needed The Loo is there looking unbelievably sexy in a dark suit.
“Have you woken up yet?”
“You look gorgeous in your suit.” I say excitedly. I realize instantly that it was probably an inappropriate thing to say to a leading actor.
“Thank-you kindly. It’s a nice one isn’t it?’ he smiles at me. Blimey this book is brilliant. He loves me now I’ve flattered him.
“Did you have a nice breakfast?” I ask.
“Oooh, yes, bacon sandwich.”
“Bacon sandwich, never lets you down” I suspect he will ask me to spend Christmas with his family now. We are getting on so well. Instead he says.
“Shall we run our scene.’
‘Ooh yes please.”
We do our scene a few times. He is brilliant.
He is wearing a wedding ring. I am not sure whether it’s his or the character’s. I consider saying “if it doesn’t work out with your wife, I’m temporarily on the market. Ordinarily I I have a ban on actors but that went out the window on my birthday, but that’s another story, anyway what I’m trying to say is I would wave the ban for you. Just thought you should know.”
I don’t.
We get our scene shot in record time. Then I am quickly driven away from the set.
I get out of my costume. I say good bye to Handsome 2nd AD With The Sexy Voice, and wave goodbye to Some Huge Men.
In the car on the way home I check my phone. No new messages.
I feel sad.
I have always abhorred people who play games. I’m disappointed with myself. It was a foolish error especially as I now know the secret to making people love you. I should have said.
“How lovely to hear from you. I often think of you. How are you? Have you eaten any nice food lately?”
Bugger. I think I’ve blown it.
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Talk to me be brutal!!
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September 19, 2006 - More!
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| Considering I just caught up on the last two year's worth of Belle De Jour's life whilst sitting at my work desk, no, I will not get sacked if you continue... I am a fast reader (or maybe my employer is just slow) please feel free to continue the saga, I wait with bated breath. What were your lines for the show on telly? |
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September 19, 2006 - Yes, yes, alright I'm coming......
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
| Would there be any vacancies at your work? |
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September 19, 2006 - The Suspense
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| The Gospel According to Irish Girl |
| I would go with live in ex-boyfriends comment... "Who's this" and then oh Hello stranger, what's up in a casual I'm in a great mood sort of way etc. etc. please don't take too long this time. |
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September 19, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| The Gospel According to Léonie |
I won't get sacked either. That could have something to do with the fact that I handed my notice in yesterday, but nevertheless I would like you to write more.
I would have sent the 'who is this, please?' text as well. Probably. I would like to think. |
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September 19, 2006 - where the bloody hell have you been?
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Hello Lucy
At last. Something to sink my fangs into.
Tricky one. I suppose the plus side is that at least he has your number - and you his; it's only properly deleted if you've also erased it from your memory as well as your phone. It doesn't count otherwise. The trouble is trying to discern some deeper meaning from this small number of words - it's a terrible disease. I suffer from the same one. When one has a - most likely - irrational desire for another all regular sense goes tits up. I could describe to you a litany of tiny interactions, all of them immeasurably meaningful to me, but most likely (and sadly) totally irrelevant to the object of my desire. However, I tell myself masochistically, I may be wrong. I want to be wrong. In every other aspect of my life I strive to be right; to do things right; to be true to myself; to know my motivations and goals; to understand what the fuck I'm doing, I suppose. But here, in this condition, I feel akin to a Christian being prodded on the end of a particularly sharp pointy thing towards the lions; and what am I thinking? I'm thinking that my lion won't be that peckish today. He racked up a couple of Nubians and a Gaul yesterday, so hey - everything's gonna be fine. And before I've had the chance to wave to the crowd and soak up the atmosphere the little sod nips off me nuts and swallows them whole. Bugger. Must pay more attention, I tell myself. But that's half the problem. I'm paying far too much attention. It's a terrible disease. Attention Overload Disorder.
Don't get me wrong - I certainly don't want to put a downer on this episode - your One may well be suffering the same condition. But, ultimately, you must confess. Shit. I hate myself for saying it, but I know I'm right. If only I could take my own advice; I'd rule the world. Well, maybe a bit of Kentish Town. Pick up the phone to him - tell him how you feel - fuck texting, it's about as much use as a dick made of ice cream. Less, come to think of it.
Come on hon, where are your nuts? Did the nasty lion nibble them off?
x |
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September 19, 2006 - does any one do any work any more??
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
how brave and passionate and right you are??
but.... if i was to call him and he was to tell me in a polite, uncomfortable way that he just doesn't think about me like that or perhaps that he's going out with someone pretty who wears floral and works in publishing. i would have to stay in bed for the rest of my life eating Salt and Vinegar Kettle crisps, drinking wine boxes and watching The Elephant Man on DVD.
Live In Ex Boyfriend would probably get Eckhart himself in to have a word with me.
Basically calling him would be about as funny as a David Gray song.
No. |
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September 19, 2006 - oh how we would lick and suck
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| The Gospel According to The Female Race |
| if only dicks were made of ice cream |
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September 19, 2006 - Brazils!
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Hello Lucy
Bearing in mind the previous comment, perhaps I was a tad hasty to question the true value of a dick made of ice cream. Er, that's it...
x
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September 20, 2006 - Yes there are vacancies...
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
but seeing as you hate that all your friends are jumping ship to Australia, I'm guessing you wouldn't want to be a hypocrite and do that too. I work in IT - so there are lots of balding fat men here though. I was going to send you a link to my company's website, but decided 1. that is a bloody boring thing to do and 2. better not just incase my manager is a closet fan of your blog.
To add in my agony-aunt styled advice, I'd say screw playing coy and msg the boy and suggest you catch up - basically be honest (short of declaring your undying love for the man) The easiest way to get what you want is to ask for it...
The boy still has your number... and has randomly messaged you (and not at 3am in the morning!) I think maybe he like-likes you... |
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September 20, 2006 - Yes there are vacancies...
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
but seeing as you hate that all your friends are jumping ship to Australia, I'm guessing you wouldn't want to be a hypocrite and do that too. I work in IT - so there are lots of balding fat men here though. I was going to send you a link to my company's website, but decided 1. that is a bloody boring thing to do and 2. better not just incase my manager is a closet fan of your blog.
To add in my agony-aunt styled advice, I'd say screw playing coy and msg the boy and suggest you catch up - basically be honest (short of declaring your undying love for the man) The easiest way to get what you want is to ask for it...
The boy still has your number... and has randomly messaged you (and not at 3am in the morning!) I think maybe he like-likes you... |
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September 20, 2006 - Whoops
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
I admit to working in IT and then post my comments twice. Tops. Note to self: do not get impatient and hit the 'Back" button and submit again just to check...
Have you called him yet? I'm bored, and in lieu of any actual social life of my own yours makes for good reading. I just turned 26 and I just became single after the end of a 2 year relationship - I figure I have another 4 years to work on becoming as cool as you... although my alcohol capacity may already be up to par...
On that note... don't call the boy, if you stop being single then the whole spinster thing won't work as well... |
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September 20, 2006 - text a .....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
you should text him this : '?'
confusing, intriguing and reflects whats actually going on in your mind.
or maybe thats quite a rubbish suggestion. |
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September 20, 2006 - Thank god.
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| The Gospel According to The Lovely Canadian |
| Wow I feel like that was a long haul between updates...The One? humm...interesting...I have had a few of those .... I think answering " Great thanks, and you?" is perfect.... throw the ball back at him....make him work for it..if he is "the one" he will have magnificent powers to tackle any situation.ie..Matrix styles...you have other things to do like be a STAR and that takes up alot of time....I understand these things....Furthermore... nothing is too long to be read at work....us office jobs types don't actualy work! That is a conspiracy I am a master at 1001 things to make you look VERY busy at work.... and yet I do nothing...I sit, I type, I smile, I giggle at corporate jokes...I wear pink...I'm desk candy...it's very fulfilling. |
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September 20, 2006 - Welcome to The Spinster's Bosom....
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
Last thing first "?". Genius. i am in awe of you. I suspect you have Millionaire Male Models buzzing around you like wasps. oh how i wish i was enigmatic.
Hello also to Leonie, you're name is lovely, sorry i don't know how to type an accent.
And hello you Lovely Young Australian Not Very Good IT worker. Oh how sweet you are. i love the fact that you read girls blogs when you should be working. And you're in Australia, Is it hot? Are there kangaroos? Do you drink Chardonnay? And you're only 26, so young and impressionable. I think i love you.
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September 20, 2006 - Excuses and stuff
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
Hello also to The Lovely Canadian who appeared while i was writing the last lot of "Hellos" i wasn't ignoring you. i love wearing pink too.
sorry for my delay in writing. Last week was a monster for me as i rehearsed for a play, did 4 waitressing shifts, had two auditions, and wrote half a play. when i get an audition i have to drop everything in a dramatic fashion, in order to plumb the depths of my depraved imagination and become the character. One of last weeks auditions was to play an American Psychic Dominatrix Sex Worker. The other was to play a Pregnant Rape Victim with an Appendicitis and Marital Problems.
i got the part of the sex worker!
Anyway enough of my excuses. i will bugger off now and get the other part of the story up. Iis it terrible to do it in two parts if i'm busy though?? you are proving to be quite a Demanding Lot of Ineternational Corporate Shirkers aren't you??
x
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September 20, 2006 - genius, me?
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| The Gospel According to Emma M |
I got called a genius, this may be the first time ever, I am now a very proud-checking-the-blogs-numerous-times-a-day-desk-worker.
cheers!
ps what did you text 'the one'? |
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September 20, 2006 - You should of texted him by now!
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
If not then text"Fine thanks. Just out of rehab. Would you like to take me for a drink?"
And be done with it.
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September 21, 2006 - Subtle Lesbian Tendencies...
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
I was thinking it was lovely that you were thinking you might love me... I thought "how sweet" thought it was a very sisterly thing to write... then I realised you thought I was a bloke.
The Lovely Young Australian is female. That's why I read girl's blogs whilst at work... I am one... a bored one at that...
I like the previous rehab text... hope I get the chance to use that one day, is very good. |
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September 21, 2006 - mortified
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
| don't know why i thought that...probably because I'm a knob...hello sister... |
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September 21, 2006 - it's just another Sapphic Thursday....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Hello Lucy
Er...that's it.... |
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September 21, 2006 - The ONE
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| I would of texted "My world is good and yours?? or what you should maybe start doing is calling him up and saying you are the ONE in a sort of Neo style from the matrix. Or maybe just take advice from you live in ex boyfriend and tell him to stop texting and read some Eckhart!! or is this just a another life case of wanting what you cant have and if you did have this ONE that he would probably be not what you is wanting in a sort of Ali G voice Innit!! just ignore him that normally works and pulls the buggers in...Men are quite shallow wgen you think of it.. just phone him and say look you text maniac come round and stick you ONE right to me and stop all this bollocks......no that may not work....................sorry cant help!!!!! |
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September 22, 2006 - Jesus
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
H Christ is probably a Polish builder
I would of...You should of....it doesn't mean anything! Hello!? To have.....is a wonderful thing/verb. For the love of Cod, use it.
Bye x
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September 22, 2006 - THE ONE
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| The Gospel According to Live In Ex Boyfriend |
| Whats all this ONE shit, come on! shit is there really such a thing?? in fact of course there is...We are all ONE...I love it, Pure Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now! The truth is we attract what we are so maybe the ONE is distant and lacks communicaton skills because maybe you do!!! Where focus goes Energy Flows!! ooh thats a gooden!!! No seriously now, you really do attract what you are so just look at your friends and the people you are attracting on this hunt for love and you will delve deep inside to what you are projecting outward!! (scary for some looking in instead of out). Trust me this girl is amazing, I live with her..I just dont think anybody is ready for her, just like no one"s ready for the positive!! |
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September 22, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| The Gospel According to Wet Patch |
| For the love of Cod, I love that...wish Christ was a plumber as we need one right now!! For the love of God! |
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September 22, 2006 - Fish
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| How many pieces of fish in a womans pair of tights????............... |
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September 22, 2006 - PLEASE CONTINUE!
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| The Gospel According to matts little sister |
I NEED to know the rest of that story. Having been in that predicament before aswell as a similar one at the moment I need to know whether there is a light at the end of the tunnel that is..'waiting for boys to call/text/realise that you're fabulous' xx
www.nsblog.co.uk/mattslittlesister
Look at that beautiful link to my site...xxx |
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September 23, 2006 - let me tell you a story....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Hello Lucy
I'm the schmuck who told you to call him - be honest, tell him how you feel. Your response an unequivocal No. I was wrong. You were right. I just made an absolute twat of myself - last night as it happens - by following my own advice. What a dick. And I'm definitely not made of ice cream.
After letting my imagination get carried away with itself for the last four months or so, I finally got the strength to act. I did what's probably the most romantic thing I've done for ages (well, I thought so). I sent flowers to her at work; no message, no credit claimed. I just wanted to make her smile, that simple. I think that's romantic. Others might like to disagree. Whatever. I bumped into the guy who delivered them the next day - Well? I wanted know, How did it go down? (it did cross my mind that something like that could freak a girl out, it's sad to say, but nowadays a possibility given that the media lead us to believe stalkers and lunatic sex offenders lurk in every shadow). She was delighted. She smiled. This news had a knock-on: I smiled. All good then.
That was two days ago. I thought about what I might do next - I had to follow my own advice otherwise what kind of man am I? That meant confession. Tell her you think she's bright, beautiful, sexy, intriguing, inscrutable (one of my favourites, that), and that when she smiles it stops me in my tracks because it's the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life; it feels as though the sun just came out from behind a dirty great cloud and for that moment the whole world is warmth and light. Coming from this cynical, life battered old dog this is quite something, let me tell ya.
Anyway - I'm waffling on. I'll cut this short (er).
I went out last night - had a few. I passed by her work on my way home - she was there, just finishing up. I tapped the window, said hello, went back to my place. Fuck this, I told myself as the door swung shut behind me. I lit a cigarette, opened the door and went back to meet my fate. This is it. Can't carry on behaving like a fourteen-year-old whose balls haven't dropped. I'm thinking - as I cross the road - that I'm sobering up due to the tension of the moment. I wait for her to come out.
I can't even remember exactly what was said. It was a mess. She's been at work all day and night. I've been at work all day and drinking all night. Oops. You really picked your moment there. Smart, I am. Obviously. All I know is that I managed to be about as ineloquent as I can possibly be. Didn't say anything I wanted to. And within twenty seconds of beginning my confession the 'getting married to my boyfriend' bombshell lands on me. Shit. The words are little depth charges exploding in my heart.
So. You can imagine how I feel this morning. Foolish is one word that comes to mind, but also strangely relieved. I still think she's lovely; I still think I'm an idiot, but hey, that's life.
Can't wait to see her again. That's gonna be just great, don't you reckon? Oh well
Good luck hon
x
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September 23, 2006 - you poor sausage
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
she sounds like a very lucky girl and you a very lovely man.
sorry it didn't work out. i really admire you for having the courage (even if maybe some of it came from Lager Beer) for standing up and saying how you feel. Do you feel better now you know? Or do you wish you'd kept her there as a fantasy?
xxx |
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September 23, 2006 - Thank you...
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Hey Lucy
I mean it. Those words feel heartfelt and genuine. I'm sure they are. You're a sweetie, and no mistake.
This hurts. No matter I'm a battered old dog; been round a bit and all that. Why is it always the ones you invest all this emotional energy in - with no tangible reason, I suppose, but still, energy is energy, eh? - who dismiss without a thought? Wish I knew.
It was probably a coup de foudre, anyway. If anything had come of it, I'd most likely have behaved badly; taken it for granted; ultimately: blown it out. Ninety per cent sure on that. But there's that ten per cent. I was hoping the ten per cent would break the tape first - and keep running. Who knows? Not me.
Is there any real romance left alive out there? Did it all get hung, drawn and quartered by Big Brother, Hello! magazine and all that mindless dross? Have we all been fatally poisoned? Where is the moment? Can't we grab it and live in it? Be there? Instead of always trying to be somewhere else. If I could find that - someone who wanted to be in this moment - with me? Oh man. Even next to me - that I'll accept. But thinking ahead to what might be/back to what could've been/ trying to be somewhere else, anywhere but here? Fuck 'em. No. Unequivocally.
Sorry. The existentialist in me stepping up to the plate. All of science and logic and every other shitearse philosophy that tries to explain my existence. Fuck them. All of them. Nothing explains it better than a warm summer breeze blowing across the mountains; the feel of wet grass on bare feet; the feeling of a NO as it cuts across your heart.
Can I offer advice after all that??? Ha! I'll try. Isn't it obvious? Yes. Do it. What hurts you makes you stronger. Life is pain. So it goes.
Does that answer your questions? Hmmmm....
Good luck hon xx
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September 23, 2006 - you know your Guide To Being Cynical Manual??
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
put it down every so often.....
it's very beautiful when you do
xx |
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September 24, 2006 - Bad Joke sorry..
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| The answer was...not that anyone was interested but ill give it anyway.... 2 eels 2 sole and a wet plaice!!!... sorry was just being crude and lightening the load on the love hunt......love yourself and you shall find love amongst the fish!!!! old chinese proverb by anon........ |
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September 24, 2006 - In the midnight hour..she cried More, More, More
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
More blog please...what did you say? what did you text? is he cooking for you and inviting you round for a candle lit fun fest?????? or did you lose your arse?? maybe the fantasies in our minds are just more fun than the reality!! why not invite him out? Relationships can be such a distraction even when you dont have one let alone if you do.........but then I have been single for 10 years......I am only 10 though!!!!
Good luck Spinster and do let us know. |
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September 27, 2006 - part 2
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| The Gospel According to emma |
food is a very good topic, safe and can vary more than 'the weather conversation' (which also has the danger of convincing you that you are turning into your mother - not a good thing to be considering while trying to magnetise one of the opposite sex).
i think there is a part III to this story? .....please? |
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November 29, 2006 - in-security
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| The Gospel According to Jo |
| ha ha Lucy I can't believe you're wearing clothes that are over eight years old (or maybe that's no so weird!) I remember when R gave the 'INSECURITY' jacket to you, you were so excited! |
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25) Guardian Soulmates Online