15) Pulling in the workplace (the arty cafe)
September 27, 2006
The general public labour under the misapprehension that;
“Waitresses should be friendly and accommodating at all times”
A true waitress will howl in the face of this statement, before wiping the spit off her apron and telling you it’s “utter turd.”
When a waitress is friendly and accommodating she gets asked questions like
“Can we have 7 glasses of tap water?” and “ can you check with the kitchen if there’s is any garlic in the sauce?” These questions involve carrying drinks on trays, talking to the kitchen staff and walking. All endeavours, which the waitress isn’t fond of. Seasoned waitresses understand that the customer should be treated with contempt when not being ignored. That is until the end of the meal when the risk of irritating questions has all but abated to “can you tell me where the toilet is?”
At the end of the meal an old pro will smile, and say, “I do hope you had a nice lunch. What a beautiful jumper/child/dog! Service isn’t included.”
I am a phenomenal waitress. I have been doing it so long I can do it with my eyes closed. I almost did the time I had an hour and twenty minutes sleep, my blood was 100% proof and I couldn’t open my left eye because the pounding in my head got too intense. I was armed with a packet of Extra, a fixed grimace that looked like a smile and the marvellous excuse that “I think I’m getting a throat infection, I had a terrible night’s sleep. I would have called in sick but I didn’t want to let you down.” When you can get through an 8-hour shift in that state you know you’ve earned your colours.
Despite the blisters, inner thigh chaffing in summer months, olive oil stains on all clothes, trainers that must live in tied up plastic bags in cupboards when not on feet and home made cake weight gain I rather like waitressing. I rather like the fact that I don’t wake up thinking about it. Except for the unfortunate time when I woke up one morning and realized I’d forgotten to order a man’s meal the night before.
I didn’t like working there anyway.
One day I am lying in bed thinking, “I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to go to work. So much talent and education wasted.”
.
Suddenly the tomato-shaped-baking-alarm in my head goes off.
According to “Bacon Sandwich; The Art of Love?” soon to be written by Spinster Lucy, the route to being loved by men is instigating conversations about food. I am about to spend eight hours in an arty café in an affluent area. Short of a having dinner with Mr Kipling, Mr Birdseye and Bernard Matthews I cannot think of a situation with more scope for talking about food.
On a normal waitressing morning I get up 7 minutes before leaving the house. I go to the pile of dirty old waitressing clothes on my floor. I grab anything. I pick bits of crusty egg off it. I put it on my unwashed body. I brush my teeth and go.
Today I bathe and dress for work. I wear my favourite T-shirt. Homeless Friend bought it for me. It is the tightest T-shirt in the modern world. I may burst out of it at any moment. It has superheroes all over it with the caption “Bursting with the Big Ones” emblazoned over my breasts. The look is “Nancy from Oliver meets The Incredible Hulk”
On the bus I practise saying what do you fancy today?” with a saucy look in my eye and “would you like it hot with cream?’ as though I’m doing an M and S advert. I consider starting a food related sex line if the acting doesn’t take off.
I arrive at work. My chances of finding a man suddenly nose dive. I am working with two stunning stroppy Polish girls. Polish Waitress In Pants and Tanned Polish Waitress Who Goes To The Gym Everyday. My pulling domain is a sea of tables to be cleared and orders to be taken. It is about as erotic as finding a bloody blue catering plaster in your scrambled egg.
The stroppy Poles flutter up to a table of handsome dad’s with cute babies. I get the mad couple with bizarre dietary requirements. It is not boding well.
Man in his early thirties who doesn’t look too mad enters. I grab a menu and rush to seat him.
“Nice T-shirt, what does it say?” he asks staring at my breasts.
“Oh bursting with the big ones, superheroes that is, not my breasts.”
“Yes the big ones are there indeed.”
“Um, right, let’s get you seated shall we.” Thinking he has to stop looking at my breasts now there are young children present.
“Let’s see what have we got, Hulk, is that Mr fantastic?” pointing at my right nipple.
“Hmm take that dirty table over there. The waitress in the short shorts will take your order in a second.” I say bolting.
Handsome Dads With Small Children beckon me over. The One Who’s Not As Handsome As The Others asks me to heat up some organic green goo, which smells of vomit for His Little Jasper. His Little Jasper starts pointing his chocolaty fingers at the superheroes on my chest. He is trying to say the word “Spiderman” but only managing to get chocolaty dribble everywhere. I curse Homeless Friend as I take the goo to the kitchen.
The kitchen boys have carved a carrot into the shape of a penis and stuck it on the order spike.
“Very creative.” I mumble.
I make myself a coffee. I stick my finger in a slice of cheesecake so that it can’t be sold. I am just tucking into the unsellable slice of cheesecake. When my favourite customer arrives. Favourite Customer is a lovely man in his late forties. I like him because he is funny, friendly, has breakfast out every weekend, which makes him glamorous, and he reads The Guardian, which makes him clever. Today he wears shades.
“Heavy night? Or don’t you want to be recognized?’ I ask
“I went to see a very boring play at the National. My friend was in it. He seemed very proud of it. Couldn’t tell him. You?’
“Sat in my pyjamas drinking red wine and crying at the X-Factor.”
“Now I would have thought a young lady like you would be out and about on a Saturday night.”
I don’t know what to say to this. I am flummoxed.
“Latte with an extra shot?”
He smiles and nods
“Decaf?”
A look of horror crosses his face.
“I wouldn’t do that to you. Oh bugger I forgot about some green goo” I say running back to the kitchen.
As I am running I hear Tanned Polish Waitress Who Goes To The Gym Everyday laugh and imitate my “latte with an extra shot.”
“What?” I say defensively.
“You like him!” she taunts.
I’m absentmindedly fingering the well-crafted potato testicles, which have joined the carrot cock when it dawns on me.
“ Oh my God I’ve got a crush on an older man!”
I put a bit of lip-gloss on and head towards Favourite Customer’s table. Evil Waitress In Pants is already there with her small bottom taking his order. Oh how I want to pull up those shorts and give her a wedgie. I don’t. I do some important table wiping within earshot instead. Luckily they are only discussing poached eggs and well done bacon.
“Did you sort the goo out?” Favourite Customer shouts over to me.
“Oops, bollocks, no. I forgot Little jaspers goo!” I scream rushing off again.
Little Jasper finally gets his goo. I finish my cheesecake. The mad couple with bizarre dietary requirements start kissing. Mad couple With Bizarre Dietary Requirements appear to be the luckiest people in the world. How nice to have a friend who’s as barking as you for kissing and breakfast.
I am so moved I give them some homemade biscuits for free. They can’t eat them because they contain gluten and sugar but they seem to appreciate the gesture.
I take Favourite Customer his bill.
Favourite Customer turns to me and says, “Do you always work Sundays?”
“Yes, unfortunately. What I’d love to do is wake up without the sound of my Banana Man ring tone. Read the papers in bed before going for Sunday lunch with wine and then go back to bed possibly with an old movie. But instead I shall be here covered in egg.”
He smiles.
“Why didn’t I go for the one word response.”? I think.
I watch him checking he’s got everything. I want to run up to him and say
“You make my day when you come in. You are the most alive person here. I’m not always covered in egg.”
I don’t
Suddenly he catches my eye and rushes over to me.
“If you’d like to go for a drink sometime give me a call.”
I don’t say anything. I just take his card and smile.
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Talk to me be brutal!!
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September 27, 2006 - Hi there,
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| The Gospel According to Anne (Canadian Cuz) |
I got your website from your Dad.. He figures you and I have a similar appreciation for life. So far I'm enjoying it, but I have a way to go to catch up to your current message. Hope all is well with you. It sounds like you are living an exciting life over there. It was amazing to see your parents. It's been many years since they were here last. Say hi to Gail and Holly for me. I saw the Lovely Mummy site and I can't believe how the girls have grown...
Take Care,
Your long lost cousin from Canada....
Anne |
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September 27, 2006 - Yikes
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| The Gospel According to Anne (again) |
| I'm thinking this may not have been the right place for that message.... ooops sorry... a bit of a beginner here!!!! |
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September 28, 2006 - Anne, the funny one.....me the gypsy
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| The Gospel According to The Lovely Canadian |
Anne you're a blast....always a hoot! It was nice seeing you this summer you had me in stitches.. J
Lucy... I was thinking about waitressing....it's been a long time..but..coincidentaly...when I was an actor (long retired now)...I was a waitress as well..the two go hand in hand really....I understand that cosmic dance... well the shoes in a bag thing made me laugh....I worked at this dinner theatre..(I wont tell you what one, but it involved Knights and horses need I say more) I had these shoes....that after wearing them for a good 3 years...smelled so bad...that I would rush down to the dressing room after the show before anyone got there.....I would stand in the shower...remove my shoes, place them immediately into a bag ...tie..said bad then wash my feet thoroughly before any other cast members came in as to not subject them to the nastiness....WHY didn't I buy new shoes??? why did I keep the same pair for so long?? I just don't know... but I have spoken to other waitress types...and there is just this thing about keeping the same old crappy pair of shoes until they actualy fall apart...and then that is a sad day.....like the end of an era....what is the deal with that?? Anyway that was my rant...get back to writing you.. I don't like this read a bit then make me wait thing...I'm impatient...if you were my waitress I would be annoyed with the delay between the appetizer and the main.... |
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September 29, 2006 - cafe bar
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| The Gospel According to emma m |
| i worked in an establishment where the mantra was 'the child is king'. it was all yummy mummies and curly fries, pinot grigio and fruit shoots. sometimes it seemed like hell-on-earth. |
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October 1, 2006 - ahhh.. family reunions..
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
Cousin Anne please click on "Email Me" on the side there and send me a message. Then i can reply to you without lots of other people reading it. So lovely to hear from you. I remember you being very funny and teaching me to put peroxide on troublesome spots.
x
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October 4, 2006 - Celebrity Waitress
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| The Gospel According to an ex-colleague... |
| Lucy, you are quite possibly the best and most hilarious waitress I have ever had the pleasure of working with!!! especially on the days when you are hiding behind your lumberjack shirt and hat! I think perhaps, the reason you are such a good waitress is that you dont have to do it all the time and you just pop by on weekends and put in a celebrity appearance where you make people smile for a few hours then go back to your 'other' life, or 'lives' as the case would be with you and all your strings (on your bow that is). Keep up the good work and keep serving that cocoa!!!xx |
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October 4, 2006 - well I never....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Hlelo Lucy
Who would've thought? Waitresses....hmmmm.....sorry, just wiping the dribble off my chin. Y'see, waitresses are my favourite. I think I'm ill. My therapist says I definitely am, but that's only because she'd lose a client if she said I was fine. That would be like a waitress telling me I didn't want a drink. Maybe waitresses and therapists aren't so different. Hmmm...never thought of it like that. But waitresses are so much more worthwhile. I reckon.
So. Is it the 'uniform'? Y'know, black trousers/skirt, white top. Is it that she does what I ask her without looking at me funny before giving me a lecture about how I don't ever do anything for her because I'm a selfish, dark, miserable, misanthropic arsehole? A combination of the two, perhaps? Is it that she appears to want to satisfy every request, even if it is only an appearance? It's a little dance we dance. I like it. Call me a pervert. No, I mean it. Ok, please call me a pervert. My therapist does. But she doesn't really mean it.
Anyway. I want to hear more. My last encounter with a waitress, not so long ago as it happens, started off as a quiet drink, but before I knew it she was forcing pills down my throat and snorting cocaine off the canal towpath at four in the morning. Crazy bitch...I still haven't recovered.
What you doing Friday? |
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October 5, 2006 - pervert
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
Hello Mr Anonymous,
What marks me apart from other waitresses is that i lecture customers on being "selfish, dark, miserable, misanthropic arseholes"
I don't get many dribblers it has to be said.
If you're working you don't want people around you eating, drinking and having a good time, do you?
Isn't my old work colleague nice? |
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October 7, 2006 - impossible to deny yourselves
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Sometimes your on form and sometimes your quite obviously in pain to be there, serving the masses even worse the few. There is something about the workplace and pulling that when it comes to hospitality there is no rival.
When you spend all that time on display to the public your regulars belive your theirs, they only want you, but its the randoms that can't take there eyes of you. The customers belive that just by looking at you intensly you will come over, throw your number at them and beg to be ravaged after work or at a time of there choosing.
What they don't know is you have been shagging the head bartender for a few months now, and he says all the right things accompanied by copious amounts of chilled persuasion.
Its lovely to be around comman thought for forty or more hours a week, depending on who you work with of course and where, its just the work that gets in the way of blossoming relationships quite obviously not right for you.
Try it yourself, pick an area and go pull a waiter.You understand the body language, its not as easy as we think the customers think it is.
As for your shoes my advice is surgical spirit,chuck a load in and your feet as well, you might smell like an extra from holby city but you won't worry when the time comes to take them off.
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October 10, 2006 - part II
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| The Gospel According to emma |
| it was worth waiting for part II due to its happy ending. are we going to hear any more about the older man? |
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October 10, 2006 - waiting...
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
hello
i am nailed to the spot. unable to move. does that make me a shit waiter?
i should think so.
bugger
x |
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October 16, 2006 - Untitled Comment
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
If it doesn't work out with Favourite Customer, why don't you have a Trash & Treasure week on the blog - people could nominate their best single male friend with a few words on why you should go on a date with him. A picture would be nice, obviously. Then we voyeuristic readers can vote on which one we think you should date.
Or you could just stay in and watch X Factor and drink wine?? |
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October 16, 2006 - oooh, oooh, yes, yes....
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
would it be like going to a restaurant and picking which lobster you want to eat???...
mind you, you say Trash or Treasure, does that mean that someone elses trash is your treasure...is that like eating from a leftover plate when you've cleared it??? which i have seen waitresses do, it must be said....
i do like the idea though....do you have someone delicious in mind...??
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October 17, 2006 - Hello???
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| The Gospel According to Irish Girl |
| What is the hold up? are you on holidays or something? I've read this one about a million times... what is going on with the older guy? I love him, he's got a card!!! |
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October 19, 2006 - Up in smoke!!
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| The Gospel According to live in ex |
| Three letters P.M.T.. I felt I must make all aware that the spinsters MAC has well and truely taken a turn for the worse in the form of pure white smoke blazing from within...so may day! may day! may day!.....Also the fact that she has as we speak 3 men on the bubble all wanting a piece of the foxy mistress...and to top it all off, Her Play opens next week,she is writing a film and of course waitressing.. "im sure there is more"..................so the reason for this post is that I, like you, am waiting for some fresh blog business and inside news on these 3 specimen for inspection...will they pass the test? and be the one?? Or will the real ONE wake up and smell the coffee and take this amazing woman to higher heights? or hasnt he got the balls!!! ..(Breath...count to ten!!!) Oh I have now had my computer commandeered in order to blog blog blog so watch this space and all will be revealed..............Patience is the key. |
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October 20, 2006 - Was that you missy?
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| The Gospel According to mattslittlesister |
| Lovely Lassy! I saw a Ms. Lucy Holmes on the booking sheet? Was that you who came on Tuesday night? If it was, I hope you liked it...maybe you hated it and that's why you never said Hi! If that's the case, don't worry we'll just never mention it again! Have you been on a date with the 'man' man from the cafe? Need to know more soon please! xxx |
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October 20, 2006 - What play?
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| The Gospel According to mattslittlesister |
| Er...just read 'Live in Ex''s comment (Is he fit and single? He sounds it!) and he said your play starts next wek!?1 Information please...Must come support a fellow actress! xxx |
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October 20, 2006 - Am I He?
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| I keep reading about this One....could I be foolish enough to think it was I? and if so, woman can make the first move you know!!! |
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October 20, 2006 - Hello....
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
Mr Anon, how do i know unless you unveil yourself??? Oh please be you....
Matt's Little Sister, yes i saw your show, alone because Beautiful Asian Friend couldn't make it, i didn't stay to say hello because you looked like you had a mob of fans to entertain....i bloody loved it..i laughed til wee came out...well done...exploding computers meant i didn't congratulte you straight away sorry...yes Live In Ex Boyfriend is both fit and single...perhaps i should set you up at my play.....
love is in the air...........
Live In Ex Boyfriend....i haven't got PMT....YOU ARSE..... |
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October 21, 2006 - OOOHHHH I hope it's him!!!
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| The Gospel According to mattslittlesister |
| Oh lovely lassy, the mob I needed to entertain was merely sister with massive laugh...Would loved to have seen you and thanks so much for coming on your own...I'm so glad you liked it. Beautiful Asian girl, or How do you do? as I like to call her, is coming on Tuesday and I shall sort out coming with her to see your play....OOhhh do set me up with fit, single Live-in Ex, however, why is he your Ex?...annoying? Small willy? Bad performance in bed? Need to know details before hand...xxx Post details of your play on my site if you like!? |
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October 22, 2006 - Small Pecker!!
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| The Gospel According to live in ex |
| I am not sure I like you ladies discussing me on the fit meter....obviously I am her Ex due to the fact that I am not Jonathon Ross, Keither Sutherland or the ONE plus the fact of the small pecker and the constant wetting the bed for no apparent reason....So I hope this isnt too much of a concern seeing as size does not matter and there is nothing better than sleeping on a wet patch!!!!!!! |
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October 22, 2006 - P M T
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| Sometimes I wish us boys had three letters to blame evrything on....... |
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October 23, 2006 - Small weener!
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| The Gospel According to mattslittlesister |
You're right Live in Ex, size doesn't matter...it's totally what you do with it but being a big cock lover..as in a huge fan of cock not a lover of big cocks, I have had experience with both sizes and unless you're totally in love with the boy attached to the cock then less than 6 inches just won't do I'm afraid! I could meet you and fall head over heels in love with you..Unlikely as i'm just looking for a shag...but wonders will never cease!
As for the wetting the bed part....mmmmmm not such a fan i'm afraid! xx
Love Ms. 34A xx |
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October 24, 2006 - Moi !!
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| The Gospel According to live in ex |
| Ah!! you sound like you have experienced many varieties of cock..or maybe it's just your fantasy to find more than 6 inches...but don't all men exaggerate the size, seeing as we all have a problem with defining the true inch!! I like to think of mine as chippolata in the sausage world!! but I have had it described as a nice tasty cumberland....(but she did work in a cafe!!!!) Its definately bigger than a cocktail sausage and tastier than a frankfurter so if you fancy a nibble and your not vegetarian id rather it go in a fishy plaice than in a hot dog bun or on a cocktail stick.......!! xx |
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October 24, 2006 - Um...er......
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| The Gospel According to Lucy |
Will you be getting a room or sausage eating in the flat?? The other morning i was in a rush. Live In Ex Boyfriend was in the bath. I hadn't brushed my teeth. I needed to leave the flat, like 17 minutes ago. I ran into the bathroom with my eyes shielded to grab my toothbrush in order to brush in the kitchen sink....I admit I had a peek..................................
i'd eat before you come round for dinner!!!!!!!!!
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October 24, 2006 - Lies I say ! LIES!
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| The Gospel According to live in ex |
| The bath had got considerably cold as I had been in there forever!! you do the math!! |
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October 24, 2006 - Funny you should say that!
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| The Gospel According to mattslittlesister |
| I am actuallly a vegetarian but I eat fish and bacon and then the other day, whilst on a date, I accidently ATE a piece of sausage! I've had a dodgy stomach ever since. So, not being a huge sausage-prener I assumed a chipolata WAS a cocktail sausage and a cumberland sausage was curly! You're not selling your cock to me Live-in Ex but that doesn't matter because if you're funny and make me laugh lots (and with your stories about cold baths, you do!) then you could look like shrek and I wouldn't care.....do still hope you've got 6 inches though!xxx |
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October 24, 2006 - Cod help us....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Hello
....if only there were any left....what's that song? plenty more fish in the sea...not any fucken more there ain't because we've dredged the hapless little buggers to near extinction, but that's another story....
Look. Someone needs to be told that eating bacon and fish does not, under any conditions, constitute a vegefuckentarian!! HELLO?
Have you ever seen a field of stout porkers blowing in the wind? Have you borne witness to a late summer orchard of lean back trees, boughs dripping with rindless pink stuff? Or the streaky shrub - that's crispius baconniata, if you want to know - yielding its catkinesque fruits in early May?? I think not. And if you have then I want some of your drugs....please, anything to get me out of this fractured reality, tenuous as it is. I hope that clears things up for you.
And another thong, er, thing...while there appears to be some rampant activity pertaining to matters of a sexual nature occurring in recent postings (I refer you to the above banter on sausages and the like, banter so pungent I can almost feel the dripping humid moistness of a...er, that's probably enough pungent dripping for now) may I make a couple of suggestions? Tough. I'm gonna anyway. First: it's a tired old comparison - sausages and dicks - What's wrong with a courgette for cod's sake? And it's a vegetable into the bargain! You can see where we're going with this, can't you. There's a whole greengrocer's armoury bursting with possiblities...you girls would probably all go for the marrow - before taking it for a test ride and then complaining that it's too...?? Yes, you know it's true. What's that expression for greedy people..? Um...oh yes, Your eyes are bigger than your cunt. If only it were true...
And another thong - while we're chatting about genital proportions I think we need to bring old Albert (Einstein, that is) into the equation, that's what he was pretty good at, apparently....there is a magic word: Relativity. Come on guys, stand up for yourselves...er, no, not like that...has it not ever occurred to any of you boys (are you paying attention girls?) that your squeeze might have a pussy the size of a whale's anus? And, girly, the whale is neither bacon nor fish, so don't think you can have deep-fried whale anus in batter and pretend it's calamari. And finally...phew...the rant draws to its bitter end....while dicks may resemble cumberlands or chipolatas or frankfurters let me put you to bed with this thought....at least our bits don't ever draw the stark comparison of a half-chewed, gutter-thrown doner kebab....
Sorry? What's that mate? Oh no, no chilli sauce on mine, thanks...
x |
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October 24, 2006 - Woman Hater??
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Well i must say someone isnt getting any!! what with all is talk of vegatables and Female genitals that look like kebabs.....You most certainly are a cowboy with shit under his nose......(sing along in a hill billy fashion) HES LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES!!!.... I do understand you were sticking up for the men in this world but I feel you may have personal sausage issues as there seemed to be nothing wrong with the banter being had in past postings........ good on them if they want to play around with a cocktail sticks as long as they dont stick it in my eye................
This is a quest for LOVE blog..... so blog on!!!!!
Much love x |
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October 24, 2006 - Causing a stir me thinks!!
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| The Gospel According to Live In Ex Boyfriend |
Well hello MS....is that where you shop!! I think our Sausage talk has spiced a few people up.....its all good.... So now I know why all the shrek ugly guys get good looking girls...its because they are funny!!! Thats where ive been going wrong!!! I am asuming that your good looking although you know what they say about assumption!! I have only one persons view of what you look like and I was told you had Fat padding on so not the best view to take............
Ah! I do hope your date went well, even though the meat was off !!!!
So your in search for some fun and frolics or did you say wonders never cease??? Your finding it hard to find or what you have or getting is not good...............??
Dont mention bacon again it may get vegetarian activists to start throwing marrows at random people.........
To one and all......Opinions are like arseholes....everybody has one!! |
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October 24, 2006 - on second thoughts....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
...a few splashes of that garlic sauce would be good.....oh, and have you got any irony? Sorry, what did you say? What is it? It's a word. Yup. Sorry, don't know what I was thinking....No. Really. Don't worry about it......no, it's alright. Why? Because love is the only great thing in our lives - and not understanding irony doesn't really matter....x
ps so the whale's anus is ok then? |
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October 24, 2006 - Oh Please be me!!
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| The Gospel According to Mr Anon |
Even if twas me, I could never know unless you came to me, seeing as you are so sure of who you want but too scared to confront your desire........and still, it would not be as much fun if you found your ONE before you had tried all 50 possibilities...
Besides the path of the ONE you are searching for may not have met yours yet! x |
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October 24, 2006 - Anonymity dont you just love it!
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
Yup! Yup! Yup! I love Ironing.
Hot sauce yes....................whales anus, never had the pleasure but never rule anything out.
Love-Joy-Trust- 3 emotions that cannot be experienced without one a'nother so yes Love is the greatest emotion and state to find. do you agree? x |
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October 24, 2006 - I know your busy
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| The Gospel According to Foxy |
| Loving the blog and cant wait for some more, I have read the postings and you sound so busy so I shall be patient...but hurry back when you can, must hear more of your adventures....break a leg darling!!! |
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October 25, 2006 - delicatessen....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
I heard that rotting whale anus dipped in sparrow's vomit is a south Latvian delicacy...I knew they were all Nazis. Oh, and Foxy - why don't you break your own fuckin leg lovey |
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October 25, 2006 - live in ex...
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
hello
you think you may be anonymous, but everything you say - including the ' in a'nother - gives you away. even so, i like your vibe, you're a nice guy, no doubt about it. and remember - we are all one x
ps there's a Latvian restaurant next door to Ronnie Scott's called HaArNooS, the 'h' is silent... |
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October 25, 2006 - Look what we've started!
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| The Gospel According to mattslittlesister |
Holy shit Live-in Ex!...Look what we've started!! Some bored, unloved little mummy's boy wants a piece of our loving!! Ignore him...People who persistantly pop up in conversations, when no one is actually talking to them, are just...Oh...god, I'm just boring myself thinking about him let alone replying to his anger about his small pimmle. Let's talk about nice things like..HALLO!! Amidst the rantings did anyone notice the fact that the possible 'one' popped up again?..and someone thinks they know him!! Oh excitment...Lucy where are you? Come calm this growing mob...We miss you!
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October 25, 2006 - is this a private party then?
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
hello
sorry. i didn't realise it was just you and a billion of your closest friends.
and yes, yes you guessed the fact:
i have a penis the size of a gnat
which is great and good if you're a gnat
but i am not gnat, i am gnu; and a gay gnu, at that.
you were also right about that
but hey, i may be a gay gnu
a gay gnu with something to prove
some will say it's just a ruse
a ruse made to get me talking to you
but no, not true: i am gnu
and i cannot speak
typing's a bit of bugger as well, believe me
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October 25, 2006 - Anonymity dont you just love it!
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
| Well you guessed wrong...(its not Live in ex) although your right he does sound like a nice guy.....and single.....he sounds gay if you ask me!!! thats if hes not a he she!!! Oh fuck I cant stop laughing to "break your own fucking leg foxy darling" SUPERB!! got to rush...oh and all are welcome...no privacy to the unknown!! kiss kiss darlings!!! |
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October 25, 2006 - Didnt think the one ever popped up!
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| The Gospel According to Live In Ex Boyfriend |
Ola! hello again MLS, we must stop meeting like this, So who knows the one? dont tell me..Keanu Reeves! if someone knows him tell him to get his cock out!! only joking, enough cock talk lets see some action........................all this love blogging just gets you wanting SEX!!! Action speaks louder than words an all that......oh and desire has no words...................so surely the ONE should just sweep her up if he felt the same way?????????????????
Perfection is perception so are we not all perfect and the ONE? just a case of finding somebody on your same communication level!!!!!!!!!!!! Ponder ponder....or is it just fear that holds us back because there is just too many choices now and we dont trust ourselves to make the right choice because most people dont know who they are!!!!!
Looking forward to seeing your 34s....xx |
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October 25, 2006 - aaah, live in ex ....
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| The Gospel According to Anonymous |
hello mate
you make a good point - quite an achievement when there's clearly a party going on in your pants (try knocking one out, it'll take the edge off things for a bit).....anyway, your good point being not trusting oneself to make the right choice - sometimes you get carried away with all the wrong ideas when there's something wonderful right there in front of you and you're not paying attention. Mea culpa |
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November 28, 2006 - call him
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| The Gospel According to doni does andrew |
| i like the sound of this older man. call him. |
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25) Guardian Soulmates Online