Ruined

26/4/2006 - Sanity Returns

Well, I spoke to C again this morning. He is coming back in his own boat. He'll go to Corfu first and then island hop here, so it'll be a week or so.

I went back over the blog and deleted most of the ridiculous stuff I had been posting, sometimes two or three times a day. The hysteria did me no credit, and the result was embarrassing. I've just left in the couple of entries I'm not too ashamed of.

25/4/2006 - Good News

I heard from Carfilhiot. It was terrible reception, as usual. Apparently there was some kind of problem at the Albanian end, but it's all sorted now and he's coming home. On the phone I think I was angry with him. I was a bit drunk as usual. But when I pressed End, I just burst into tears and screamed and everything. It was the first time I'd broken down since he went.

You see, I'd begun to suspect that it was all a put-up job, and that he'd done a runner to get rid of me. And you know how that feeds on itself.

Thank God. Thank God. That's all.

19/4/2006 - At my wits end

Now I'm at my wits end, because I went to Albania. It's very nice there really, and people were quite helpful, but they looked at me a bit funny, as a lone female.

I found the address and tried to get some sense out of them, but they just shrugged and looked stupid. I got nowhere at all. I came back the same day having achieved nothing.

I went back to the British consul in Corfu. He was very nice, but, as he pointed out, it was hardly his problem, as his embassy is in Athens. But he relayed a message to his counterpart in Albania.

I called Alexis. He hasn't heard. I didn't expect him to have, but I had to ask.

I don't know what else to do. Carfilhiot's mobile still doesn't answer and I'm getting very distressed. I keep drinking too much. I just sit in the bar and order drink after drink until I can hardly walk back to the room. Frankly, I think I'm going a bit peculiar again because it's very dangerous to be a drunk woman by herself in a hotel.

I'm going back to our own island and wait there. At least there's Alexis who's just as anxious. I suppose I could contact the Press, but Carfilhiot would be furious, I'm sure, because he wants NO PUBLICITY.

18/4/2006 - Oh God... What to do.

I am kind of forced to start blogging again, because Carfilhiot has disappeared since his most recent blog entry on 3rd April.

As you will see, he set off optimistically enough, but he just never turned up again. We were going to stay in touch by cell phone because Albania has GSM coverage, it should have been no problem, but his phone was switched off. Of course I left loads of messages.

I was in Corfu a week before I did anything, because Carfilhiot has warned me that absolutely everything takes absolutely ages.

I went and spoke to one of the guys he'd been in the meeting with. He knew nothing. He just looked gloomy and said he hadn't heard. I pestered him until he gave me an address and telephone number in Saranda which rang, but mostly didn't reply and when it did nobody spoke English.

I contacted C's lawyer in Corfu that came to us when they were investigating Ginger. He evidently regards C as a highly suspicious character, which with C's history, I guess you have to sympathize with. He was just totally unhelpful.

I wasn't sure how Carfilhiot would regard it if I involved the British Consul in Corfu. I mean, I expected to hear from C every hour because he knows my mobile number, so it seemed a bit alarmist. Even if he dropped his mobile overboard, they have telephones in Albania, don't they? But maybe his phone's bust and he only had my number on his SIM...

Anyway, what I decided I told the consul I was going to Albania looking for a friend, and if I don't turn up again, will he send out a search party, please. He kind of grinned at that.

And now I'm telling my readers, if any, that I'm going tomorrow. Please set up a hue and cry if I fail to post, say, in a week.

26/1/2006 - Hello, again!

Well, here I am, in sunny Greece again. Soon as I could, I just took a flight to Athens and then went back to the island I was at last Easter. I guess more in hope than anything else. It took me several days to pluck up courage to go to Nikos's Taverna, by which time - I had lost track - it was New Year's Eve, and there he was - Carfilhiot, as I must call him here, with a young nerd called Alfredo who was well on the way to oblivion already. I got a fantastic welcome from everyone. C. in particular but also Alexis and Nikos who I never expected to remember me.

And the best thing - no-one asked why, when, whatever. I was just accepted. And I'm living with him now. Carfilhiot. It was a bit crowded when Alfredo was there, but he went three weeks ago. We've been talking about moving to a bigger place.

The funny thing is.. I've lost the need to blog. Blogging must have been some sort of sign I was miserable.

12/12/2005 - Free At Last

Finished the rehab a couple of days ago. It was dire, but I don't intend to go into that. At least I'm looking a bit better. They say I'm cured. I'm not so sure. I had a lot of time to think in the clinic and I realised that Amazon Harlequin is not for me. I kind of liked Damp Patch, but the only good thing about Amazon Harlequin was the money. Joe Goldman is still trying to put the band together, though Xaviera, who was in the clinic at the same time as me, seems like a broken reed now. She looks and talks like an unemployed lavatory cleaner. It's pathetic, really.

I got my own lawyer, and we talked it over with Joe Goldman and his brief. Joe wasn't exactly upset to see me resign. If the band never plays another note, Joe'll die rich on the CD royalties. But he put up a show of resistance and there was a bit of haggling about the money, but at the end of the day I won't have to work for a few years, though I'll never get a cut of the royalties to which I was never really entitled. Fair enough.

The best news of all is that Martin has "copped a plea" as the expression goes, and I won't even have to give evidence. So, I'm free at last. I think I'll leave the country as soon as I can pull myself together.

2/11/2005 - Serious

Well this is the first serious entry here for some time and my head is clear I think for the first time since July. Due to having been banged up in the nick for the last day and night. So it's not all good. I looked in the mirror a few minutes ago and I look awful. I mean, skinny, and my face is all drawn and I look like an addict.

Of course, that's exactly what I've been, even though I didn't say so here before.

The thing is. Martin has turned this place into a drug supply warehouse. All the happy visitors were buyers. OK, Martin kept it exclusive, but it is a crime to supply class A drugs after all, and I can't pretend I didn't know what was going on. I just trusted Martin and the janitors to keep it discreet, which they did pretty well at. In return I got what I wanted. Thank God I was satisfied with just a little. I imagine it could have been worse. I saw such sights among the punters who turned up here.

In any case, it all came to an end when the cops rolled up and searched the place and arrested me and Martin and a couple of customers. You may already have seen it in the papers. It looked pretty bad for me, but Joe Goldman got me a good brief, and, in exchange for ratting out Martin, which didn't hurt at all, I wasn't charged. I also have to move out of the apartment, of course, and go into rehab.

Just so everyone knows, I feel pretty low.

29/10/2005 - What was I on?

You may well ask. I seem to be high on something or other the whole time, but what the hell. No more news about the band yet. Chrysilla was here yesterday and she doesn't know anything either which is a bit disappointing. As usual, the flat was full of Martin's friends who I don't know and it was hard to talk with them bothering Chrys. They stopped bothering me ages ago.

21/10/2005 - Oops

Oh yes I remember what it was it was the band coming back together Joe Goldman is setting up a new tour and there's a recordong session in December planned thats all i wanted to say. Anywat.

21/10/2005 - Good News

Looks like Amazon Harlequin are going to get together again. Xaviera's a lot better. My apartment has turned out to be a sort of club for everyone associated with the band. They're dropping in at all times of day and night. There's a guy, Martin, that's set himself up as a sort of gatekeeper, and organises with the janitor downstairs who can come up and who can't. At least it keeps the peoples' paws off me when they get a bit OTT. I've got a bit of a reputation as frigid now, thatnk god. OK. There's been a few complaints about the noise, but what the hell, we try to keep the CD player toned down at night. After all, these apartments are supposed to be sound-proof anyway. It's a really happy atmosphere and everything. Can't remember why I started this post. Bye bye.

30/9/2005 - Yes, it's the end of September, already

We're supposed to be at some gig in Warwickshire or something tomorrow, but of course it won't happen, will it. I know it's ages since I posted. I'll tell you why.

We started the tour more than 2 months ago. It seems like a year or two, and I only clearly remember the first concert. We sucked, in my opinion, but everyone was telling us how good we were and I think the others believed it. But they were wrong. We sucked, all right, and though the audience were yelling so loud, singing along the way they do, and attacking each other and everything so they barely noticed, we even got a few boos on the night. And that was in Hicksville, Derbyshire. I confess that I was so nervous that I'd drunk most of a bottle of vodka over the course of the day, but it didn't hit me till it was all over, so I don't think it was my fault. Anyway, I think I drank less than the others. At the time, feeling high seemed great for the music.

By the end of the first week, the music press and the Sundays were slagging us off, not for our material, but the performance. The CD was and is still selling well, but of course I'm not on that. The techies made lots of changes to all the electronics. Some changes helped. Most didn't. There was this fabulous stage and fantastic production and fireworks and bangs and lasers and everything, but the music was crap.

I didn't really blame myself. Despite maintaining the pre-concert dose of alcohol, I thought I was doing a pretty good job, but Xaviera had it in for me and kept telling everyone I shouldn't of been taken on. But really it was her vocals at fault. Out of tune at a rock concert is kind of excusable, but off the beat is a no-no. It looked like she'd lost her sense of rhythm. In fact, it turns out she was on crack and thought she could do better than the beat the rest of us were setting. Joe Goldman started insisting we did extra rehearsals and run-throughs, which was sheer torture because we were exhausted and pissed most of the time. And nobody tried. Then Joe banned the alcohol, which was worse, for a while, until Chrysilla got hold of some pills that were fantastic from one of the riggers - they can get anything, I find. The music actually started to sound a lot better, and we went on in a sort of spaced-out haze, until Xaviera collapsed on stage the other night - Leeds, as it turned out. We did two gigs without her - absolute rubbish - and then the tour was cancelled.

So here I am, back in my Docklands apartment. I can't tell you what a relief it is. I think my life stopped during the tour. Hotels, minders (some of whom had dishonourable intentions), buses, planes, no control. Now I'm at a loose end. Got to go out.

16/7/2005 - Dave, I'm Out

What a depressing little weed I looked in that last entry.

Anyway, the lonely bit didn't last long because Dave turned up. My sweet sister gave him the address. I was so miserable I was almost pleased to see him, but I was worried about being alone with him so we went out to a restaurant. I bought. Oh, yes, bit of a rich bitch these days. Dave was very well behaved, for Dave, but he was a bit of a pain all the same, whining on about how I was avoiding him and dissing him in my blog.

I had no trouble scraping him off when we got back to the apartment. We have a 24-hour concierge service here, and I said goodbye right in front of the security guard. After he left, I said to the guard that I wouldn't be in to Dave in future. He snapshotted Dave's CCTV image, printed it, stuck it on a paper and stored it under the desk. Very efficient. Apparently, Dave arrived again this evening and the guard told him I was out. Are you reading this, Dave? I'm out, OK?

15/7/2005 - Holiday

We've been given a week off before the tour, and I needed the rest. I was getting really frazzled with the rehearsals so what the tour will be like I hate to think. I went home and was welcomed like a dose of flu. Only Mum spoke to me and that was only because she had plenty to criticise. So I'm back in my new apartment, surfing, listening to music and feeling well lonely really. For some reason, I feel I've let the guys in Damp Patch down, and I don't feel good about contacting them. Sophie No-Mates, that's me.

11/7/2005 - Plain Sailing

Well, they seem to have sorted out the stage, lighting and sound. We did a dress rehearsal today in the warehouse. God knows what the locals on the industrial estate made of the deafening noise, and that was just the fireworks. To me, the band sounded awful, but Joe says that's down to the warehouse which echoes very badly, and you need a full audience to provide a sort of sound baffle. I guess I already knew that, but I still think we sounded terrible. Not long till the first concert now. The first two are open air, then there's the one in Liverpool which I'm not sure about.

Went to a party with Heloise last night. There were an awful lot of drugs there, but no-one offered me any, I'm relieved to say. I've had the odd puff at a Jamaican cigarette, but it never did anything for me. I'm not sure about Heloise. I had too much to drink, and danced until I nearly dropped, but she was out of it altogether and I took her back to my apartment in a taxi, fending off a dozen male chancers who wanted to come along, too. It was fun, though. It's a change for me to get so much attention from the opposite sex!

9/7/2005 - The Stage

Great excitement today. The road gang were doing practice stage builds in the Rehearsal Studio today, which is just a big warehouse. What a mess. The first build took them four hours and still it was wrong. There's meant to be all lasers and pyros and lighting and controllers and stuff strapped to this pile of scaffolding, and it's got to go together like clockwork in about an hour. So they stripped it down and wheeled it all out into the trucks and did it again - two hours - big improvement, except that the wiring harness was all wrong because the lights didn't work properly. We got no performance time today and when I left they were about to pull it all down and have a third try. There are some fit lads in the crew, I must say, but they're cheeky buggers.

5/7/2005 - Pandora

I guess I was supposed to know that Pandora, who I am replacing, had overdosed and died, but I didn't. It led to an embarrassing scene yesterday when I asked what must have seemed a bit of an insensitive question about her during a break.

She was Chrysilla's special friend and she found Pandora, so there were tears yesterday. Apparently some cranks have been connecting the suicide to the depressing Jonestown stuff on the Exotika CD, and there have even been rumours that fans have been offing themselves to the music, so the band don't play these ones any more. Actually I thought they were quite good, but Exotika is only 3 tracks, each about 25 minutes, which is well unusual, and would be wrong for a live gig.

Now I'm into the music a bit, it's less hectic. Nothing complicated in the chord sequences, lots of opportunities for clever bass runs if I'm quick. The rehearsals have been a bit boring for the other girls because they know most of the stuff I'm learning. I've got all four albums on my (new) iPod, and listen to them all the time, even the Jonestown ones.

3/7/2005 - The Difference.

I just cannot believe the difference of working for a band like Amazon Harlequin compared with Damp Patch. I don't live at home any more. Joe Goldman, the manager, moved me into a Docklands apartment they rented for the last bassist, who left suddenly. What's fantastically (did I say hysterically) amusing is that the apartment is in one of the blocks where Peter and I did some plumbing maintenance just a few months ago!

When I borrowed Joe's laptop the other day, he asked me what I really wanted, and I said a laptop of my own and a broadband connection - so sooner said, both arrived today. What is that? 3 days ago. Mind you, I'm working my butt off and I haven't seen much of my lonely bed yet. The first tour date is less than 3 weeks away, and I've got to know all the favourites from four albums, plus all the new stuff Karina and Xaviera haven't finished with yet, before then.Karina and Xaviera aren't their real names, though they call each other Rina and Chav, I'm called Melita, Mel for short. One of the penalties is I'm going to have to wear some weird gear on stage and (laugh your socks off, Sister Suzanne) a blonde wig!

But, God, the money and the no expense spared. I cannot believe it. And the other girls are nice, and encouraging. Chav says I'm as good as Pandora, the girl I'm replacing, already. Then there's all the technicians and Joe and the publicists and I haven't met the haircare and make-up crew or the stage hands and roadies yet but there seems to be hundreds of them.

Oops, there goes the doorbell - [mode=posh] that's my DRIVER come to take me to the REHEARSAL STUDIO in the MERCEDES.[/mode]

30/6/2005 - The Transfer Season

This came as a huge surprise to me , and I guess it will to you, too. I'll cut to the chase. I am now a member of Amazon Harlequin - don't tell me you haven't heard of them! Their Web Site.

This is how it happened. Benedict came to me - it would be last Wednesday or Thursday - and asked if I'd be prepared to consider changing bands. I was really upset at first, I kind of flared up at him, after all the work I've done for Damp Patch. But when I came down he said he'd been approached by the manager of an important all-girl band with recording contracts who'd lost their bass player just a month before the beginning of a tour and needed an urgent replacement. The sweetener was a sum of money for Damp Patch that was so large he couldn't just refuse out of hand. There was also a huge bag of gold for me if I took the job and stuck it out for the whole tour - three months. I would also get a share, obviously, of the tour proceeds, and if it worked out there would be a place in the all-girl band for me and if not I could come back to Damp Patch. So, he was asking me if I was up for it before he gave them an answer. I guessed about halfway through his spiel that it was Amazon Harlequin and I didn't keep him waiting.

Anyway, it's not at all the same thing as being with Damp Patch and when I get a minute I'll go into more detail, but I'm in Leicester using Joe's laptop on a dial-up and it's so slow I'm going mad here and I'm too busy learning yet another play list to waste any time. It's just I had to tell someone.

16/6/2005 - Dave, Go Home!

Dave, if you're reading this, and I suspect you are, please leave me alone, or I'll call the police.

I got home after the disastrous Durham expedition to find Dave camped on Mum's doorstep. He tried to talk to me but I just brushed past. I have no intention of speaking to you, Dave.

And so to Damp Patch. Two gigs this week, and we seem to actually have fans who turn up repeatedly to different performances. We are getting more adventurous, too. We are still using 60s songs but we're putting more individual treatments on them. It really is working very well for us, and we're getting so many gigs now that Benedict is actually having to manage the diary. Mostly London, happily, but we're now at Reading and Glastonbury this year. Wow!

13/6/2005 - Durham

Don't ask how my trip to Newcastle and Durham went. Well, the gig was OK, and Jez dropped me off in Durham at some ridiculously late hour on Sat night - Sunday morning. I guess it was stupid of me to think that just booking a hotel for Saturday night entitled me to enter my room at 2 in the morning. Boy, did they give me a hard time, and I guess I wasn't very sober or well-dressed either. Then I missed breakfast because I slept in. So I started with a bit of a thing against Durham. It's pretty enough, but I learned nothing, and the trip was a total waste of time and expense. Did I expect the Archaeology Dept. to be open? I guess I did, but it wasn't.

It took me most of the rest of yesterday to get back to civilization. I'm not sure I want that job. And to cap it all, I got an earful from Mum because Dave's been pestering her to death.

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